'Exposing myself to guests', a cautionary first

Wanna hear a story? It's pretty good....It was back while I was on the cruise ship, and I like to think of it as the legacy I left behind. I'm peppering it with pictures of Yours Truly in shows and stuff, because I like to break up the text. But the pictures bear no illustrative purposes towards my story, they are eye-distractors only.

It all started when they cut our water off from 11pm 'til 6am for a week on our deck, deck 5 (just the crew quarters, obviously!) for maintenance work.

Our shows used to come down at 11.40pm, so there'd be no water for a shower after shows in our cabins. This, considering the high energy-level of the shows (read: sweatiness) is both unhealthy and just plain nasty to comprehend.

We were told we could go up to the spa, on Deck 12 and use the showers there, which were unaffected by the cut-off.

So, off I toddle and the system worked for 2 days with the entire cast and other entertainment staff using the spa showers post-show, about 12.45am.

On the 3rd day, I went up to shower and was told by a man cleaning the showers to

"Come back in half an hour, We have to deep-clean through here."

I was tired, but after a few pleas that fell on deaf, underpaid ears I relented and went instead to the showers on deck 11, by the pool, thinking nobody was around and I could take a quick shower there and head to bed rather than wait an extra half-hour.

The showers by the pool are open (ie. no door) but I did a surveilance camera check, decided there was no danger and stripped to shower.

Unfortunately, on this particular evening, a couple walked past and saw my bare British backside!

They just sort of, paused and then continued on their passagiata, so I resolved to go to bed and perhaps mention it to my friendly Line Captain in the morning just to avoid any possible confusion, or in case they complained.

The next morning after rehearsal, I relayed the events to my Line Captain, who instead of the shrug and

"Okay, no problem" I'd anticipated, she said

"Oh! THAT must have been what the Cruise Director meant this morning!"

This was the Cruise Director/Line Captain conversation that had confused her at the time earlier that morning:

CD: Good Morning. This is the Shower Police!

LC: (Nervous laughter) "Good Morning"

CD: Apparently your cast members were showering themselves all over the ship in the

early hours!

Thankfully, he left it at that to give me time to confess!

I said I'd go talk to the Cruise Director later, but as he'd already gone ashore for an hour or so I decided it was probably best to leave things for a while, and went ashore with Eric.

On my way back to the ship, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Guess who it was?

CD: I was just wondering...

Me: Oh hi! I wanted to come and apologis-

CD: Oh no need, I wanted to know when you were next planning on taking a shower? I've

actually had to start selling tickets it's gotten round so quick.

Luckily, he has a sense of humour and didn't fire me. I never did see those guests again though, the ones who'd obviously complained about me!

Blonde ambitions of my Birthday-boy Boyfriend!

Reader, this post must begin with an admission. Although born a natural blonde, I must admit to "helping the colour along" with a bottle of dolled-up bleach. Here it is.

Now, I do not know exactly why, maybe it was his impending 29th Birthday, but when I embarked upon the latest root-retouch of my hair, Eric became quite involved in the proceedings, helping me with the back bits and generally asking questions.

No sooner had I turned my back than Eric, colour-brush in hand had turned the remnants of the bottle towards his own head.

When I realised he was quite intent on colouring his hair, I tried to help out and was carefully told "I just want an even sheen of colour". These are unusual words from my boyfriend. The same thing applies for his next phrase: "Do you have a hand-mirror?"

Here we are, then. Yes, that is bemused confusion on my face.

After 20 minutes I washed my hair as usual, checked the colour and had to leave for a cut appointment in the spa, and so left Eric with clear instructions on the next step in his colour treatment.

When I returned, Eric informed me he'd already applied extra bleach to some "uneven spots" and unveiled his new look proudly. I'm the girlfriend of a Nordic Blonde, reader!

Eat your heart out, Johnnie Rotten!

The dumbest thing I've done in a while

OK, so this is my cabin, and the sink therein. The important bit, when explaining to you my recent stupidity, concerns the two bottles on the left. One is a trial size bottle of mouthwash, the other a bottle of Cutex nailpolish remover.

At this point, perhaps I don't even need to explain any further. Nailpolish remover BURNS when you try to use it as mouthwash! It feels like all the juices from your mouth have caught on FIRE!

I was coughing and spitting up a storm when my friend Della stopped by to see if she could grab a DVD (there's contraband copies of Babel and The Departed going round, so they say, not that I'd ever, you know, involve myself in such things) and stayed until my hysteria died down.

The Moral: DO NOT BUY TRIAL-SIZE MOUTHWASH!